When I was about to graduate from
college I remember having a conversation with a buddy
of mine. He
was my roommate. I'd roomed with him my
junior and senior years and had also worked with him
a couple of seasons at a theme park.
There was a point in the conversation
when he asked me if I thought that our friendship
would continue
to flourish after college. It's important
to note that my plans after college were to make my
way to New York to pursue acting while his involved
remaining in the area and becoming an educator. I
told him that I thought that we would always remain
acquaintances but that more than likely, after we’d
gone our separate ways, the relationship would wane,
and contact would taper off.
Sadly, I was fairly prescient that
day. Eventually
I did move to New York and he became an elementary
school teacher. Now an occasional birthday or
Christmas card passes for what used to be a thriving
relationship.
I wish it hadn't been true. I
wish that my statement that day had been just the
remark of a
callow fellow, but in reality, friendships can be quite
enigmatic, especially in the theatre.
Over the past twenty years in the
business I've
been amazed at how quickly friendships are made. I've
seen people show up at 10:00 am for the first day of
rehearsals and by six o'clock veritable strangers
are planning weekend outings together and sharing secret
family recipes.
I guess it's not all that surprising. When
people are thrown into a heightened situation with
a common goal and limited time to achieve that goal,
any “normal”timeframe for building relationships
gets thrown out the window. Connections
and bonds are made quickly. Coincidences or trivial
interests can provide an adequate basis for forging
a friendship.
But I've also been equally amazed at
how quickly those relationships dissolve at the end
of the job. The
final curtain drops, goodbyes are said and these new
friendships fade as quickly as they started.
"Show friendships" are
a common occurrence. For
six weeks or eight weeks or whatever the length of
the contract, often the only other people you come
in contact with are the people with whom you work,
so it makes sense that you are going to look to those
people for companionship. But once the thing
binding you together evaporates, so too does the relationship.
You could feel guilty about the
loss, but why? The "show
friendship" serves a purpose for both parties
involved and occasionally the relationship is not a
"show friendship" at all, but one that
is just the beginning of a lasting connection. The
trick is in recognizing the difference between the
two: one is like a fireworks
display that ignites quickly, is flashy and entertaining
but quickly disappears on the air; the other is like
a roaring fire that builds slower, grows to provide
consistent warmth and light but takes great care and
attention to maintain.
Who knows what life will bring
you; I hope lots of roaring fires to support you
on your journey. But
I also hope that there will be plenty of fireworks
as well. They're both important in the
crazy, transient world of theatre.
